HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT ME,



Now this is not to be confused with what do you "think" about me... "think" and "feel" are two wholly different things. And if a man cannot tell you how he feels about you after a month of dating, it's because he does not feel anything for  you he just wants something. Ask a man how he feels about you, and he's going to get confused and nervous: "I told you before, I think you are" he begins. You cut him right off and say, "No, no, I want to know you how you feel about me." He might shift in his chair, scratch his head, light a cigar anything to get out of giving you an answer or thinking of what he think you want him to say. But you will have to get him to answer it. Do not get upset if he does not answer right away; he is got to go into that part of himself that he does not like to go to, and that is the emotional part. Men do not do emotion well, at all, about God and the kids and his mother, but with this questions about God and his kids and his mother, but with this question, you are asking him to look into his soul, and our DNA is not made up for the heartfelt outpouring to just anybody.


But this does not mean you should let up. What you are looking for his answer is something like this: "When I do not see you, I miss talking to you, I always wonder what you are doing and when ever you come around, I just feel better you are the type of women I have been trying to find. "In other words, his answer has to make you feel wonderful. He may not be in love with you just yet, but he is crazy about you and he is probably thinking he wants to explore a long term commitment with you, because when he starts to profess and put you in a position where he can provide for and protect you, he is seeing a feature with you in it. And this is exactly where you want to be his with this Guy. The "I think you are cool" answer is  not going to cut it here, Ladies. And if you have asked the question and probed deeper, you realize his feelings for you do not run very deep that he is just not there then you need to not be there, too. Pump the brakes until you start hearing and feeling from him the things that you think are important to hear and feel from a man with whom you are willing to forget a relationship.

Women are fully aware that we have to answer these questions, and any real man is going to answer them. You may not necessarily, like the answers, but he is going to answer them. If he refuses, the don't bother with him. Don't think that you're going to work it our later-that you'll wait him out until he gets more comfortable with you-because that would be nothing more than blind hope. before you know it, and you'll be finding out the hard way that this in not the guy for you, and you'll be starting all the conversations with your girlfriends like this: "You know, i slept with hi and he is not about anything, i don't even know if he likes kids...."Don't let happen. Empower yourself-it is your right to know all of these answers up front; per my ninety-day rule, which you'll discover in the next chapter, you need to ask these questions within the first few months of a courtship.
 
If you're already in a relationship with someone, these questions are still valid if you don't know the answers. You can ask them for clarification. Or you may need to ask them with the hope that they'll solidify what you may already know-either that you need to get out of your relationship or that you are headed in the right direction. His answers may help you cut your losses, before you invest too many more years in a relationship that is not going the way you want it to go. Or they may make you say, "Wow, I'm glad I'm with this man."
Know, too, that though we'll answer the questions because we like talking about ourselves, our answers just may make us consider the woman who's asking the questions in a different light. We definitely want to know where our women stand on these issues, too, but we're not going to bring it up-especially if our intentions for you aren't pure. But in your conversations around these issues, your man just might learn something about you, too,  something that makes him know he's got a pretty solid woman on his side. Say, for instance, he tells you that he wants to be an engineer and he's going to night school to get his engineers and you can offer to introduce him to them so that they can give some helpful advice as he works toward his new career. When you offer that helping hand, he starts to think, she's offering to help me out. Maybe she might be the one to get me to the next level." And he might just envision including you in those "next level" plan.

See, you're getting information from him and plugging yourself into all these slots-do i see myself in his short-term plans, his long-term plans, as a  part of his family, having babies with him, helping him continue a solid relationship with his mom, being a role-model  dad for our kids, the whole picture? But it's a two-way street: know that this guy you're quizzing is listening to these intelligent, inquisitive questions, and calculating whether you're a woman who is his keeper or just a sports fish.          

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT ME

Now, this one you will have to ask after a few dates, because he is going to need time to get to know you. But his answer will be critical because it will reveal to you what his plans for you are. If you have been out on a couple of dates and you have had lots of conversation, you know something about him, but what is more important, you want to know what he is thinking about you. You have a right to know. Oh, trust me, he thought something about you when he first walked up to you , and you need to know  what it is, He was attracted to something he liked your hair, your eyes your legs, your outfit. He did not walk over there just to be walking. Beyond the initial attraction, however, men pretty much know if you are the kind women  they are going to sleep with and keep moving , or if they are going to stick  around and see if they want more. This, you will be able to tell by his answers.

Listen to his answer closely, I assure you this is how it will go, because every man will answer this question the same exact way; I think you are great, I think you the make a great mom, you are fun, kind, you are really beautiful, you turn me on, you are energetic, outgoing, a hard worker, very smart. I think you the kind of women I could see myself with, all of that generic stuff  we know you want to hear. still, this is not the answer you should be looking for. you want specifics. You want to know  that he is really thought about beyond the surface. so do the follow ups "Oh, you think I'm kind? what about me makes you think I'm kind?" then sit back and listen.

If he cannot give  you a concrete example of how you have show n your kindness, he is not really thinking about you beyond the surface. But if he says. "You remember that time when it was my mom's birthday and you call me and reminded me to pick up a card for her? that was really nice." if he tell you he thinks you are great mom, make him tell you what is about you that makes you a great mom. And forth with whatever characteristic he attributes to you. The level of his specifics  will give you yet  another clue into this man is intentions for your relationship. If he can give you specifics, it means he is been listening and adding it up he is determining if he is going to keep you, if he can see himself in a committed relationship with you. And that could mean that you are at least on the same relationship Page....?

WHAT ARE YOUR VIEWS ON RELATIONSHIP



Now this one is a  multiple part question that size up how a man feels about a gamut of relationships from how he feels about his parent and kids to his connection with God. Each answer will reveal a lot more about him, whether he is serious about commitment, the kind of household in which he was raised, what kind of father and husband he might be, whether he knows the Lord, all of that. And the only way you will find out the answers to these questions is to ask. Do it before you kiss this man, maybe even before you agree to go on a date with him, this is a great phone conversation, for sure. And do not be shy or nervous about asking these questions, either, because what are you supposed to be doing with this man if not talking him? If he a problem talking about this right here, then something is wrong. Run.

First, find out how he feels about family. What are his views on it? Does he want a family? How does feel about children? If you have a child tell your man him or her - it is his business to know, but more important, it is your business to find out if he sees himself being a father. If he doesn't want kids and you do, then you can stop all of this right now. (Please know that if a man says he doesn't want kids, he is probably not going to change his mind, regardless of the intensity of his feelings for you.) moreover, if he doesn't like kids and you already have hem, where, exactly, is this relationship, going.
Next, ask him about his relationship with his mother. It is the first relationship a man has with a woman, and if he has a good track record with her, then chances are he knows how to treat a woman with respect and has some kind of idea of how to profess, provide, and protect not only a woman but a potential family, too. I don't know a boy living whose mother is not beloved. We learn to protect her and provide for her; we learn about the basic core of love for a women from her. Indeed, if a man is at odds with his mother, it is a safe bet that he is going to be at odds with you. If you hear any part of "Man, me and my mother? We just don't get along..." in his answer, erase his number and texts from your phone and keep it moving.

After you find out how he feels about his mother, ask him about his father. If he had a great with his dad, then he was probably raised with a core set of values that he'll bring to your potential home together. now, i understand that a whole host of men grew up without fathers in their households, but chances are that the man you're interested in had a male role model in his life who showed him the ropes of manhood, or perhaps the absence of his own father taught him a few things about what he doesn't want to do when he becomes a father. At any risk, ask questions about his relationship with his father, and his answers are bound to reveal the kind of father he just might turn out to be. you are also going to have to ask him about his relationship with God. let me be direct: if you meet a man who does not have a relationship with God, he does not go to church and has no intention of ever going, and he has no belief system he can point to as a guiding force in his life, then it is a problem. After all, what moral barometer does he answer to if not to God? what is going to make him even consider being loyal to you? what is going to make him do right by you and the kids? what is going to make him feel whole? I'm not saying that you should not date a man who do not to church, or who has a different belief system than you. But if his core belief do not match up with yours, you are likely to have a problem.
 
These next two questions should be asked after you have been talking and dating for a while. Ideally, ask them before you have parted with the cookie (you all know what I mean). If you have already had sexual encounter with the man, you can ask these questions anyway. The answers may hurt a little bit more, but at least you will know?

WHAT ARE YOUR SHORT TERM GOAL



If you are going to get into a relationship with a man, you should know what his plans are how they fit into the key elements that make a man who h is, what he does, and how much he makes. These three things, as I have already told you, are extremely important to any mature, grow man, and you have every right to know what is doing right now , and what he is planning over the next three to five  years, to be the real, grown man he wants to be. His answer also will help you determine whether  you want to be part of that plan or not. You will know to throw up your much needed red flag if he does not have a plan at all. if he is got a plan, well great. Act like you are super interested and ask follow up question be the inquisitive, enthusiastic detective that you are. Men love to talk about themselves. We do this because we know that  in order to catch you,  we have to impress you. so allow us to impress.

The more inquisitive and interesting you are, the more information he will give you . say things like, 'Wow"  how did you get into that filed?" or  "How interesting  what does it take to make that successful?" And listed carefully. The whole time he is talking, you should be evaluating whether he is actually working hard to meet his goals or if is a lazy dreamer just talking a whole lot of nonsense. You should also be figuring out if you see yourself in that short term plan; if you know what his plan is, you can immediately asses if you want to be part of it  and what role you can play in it, or if need to remove yourself from that equation. For instance, is he say, "I'm  a technician  for the cable  company, But I'm going to collage at night to earn my B.A in Engineering  so that I can move up the ranks at my job," them you know this guy has a plan and he is executing it. Maybe  you can even see yourself helping him study or being there for his at graduation and giving him  suggestion for how to transform himself from the blue collar worker who installs the cable to the engineer who helps build the technology for the cable company. The point is, he has a plan and he is working toward it, which means that he is trying to be the man he want to be. the kind that just might fit in line with that you are looking for in a good, solid mate.
 
but if you ask him what his short term goals are, and he tells you something crazy, like "I'm in street pharmaceuticals, and right now i have one block but my goal in the next few years is to have ten blocks on the west side from Henry Street to Brown Street", well, then you know right then and there that you can go on ahead and keep it moving. The same applies to the man who states his short-term goals, but clearly has no plan to  implement them. For instance, if he says his dream is to be a producer, but he's not doing anything in the field to actually become one-he's not interning or working for a film company, he's not writing or reading any scripts, he's not making any connections in the industry that might open  some doors for him, he hasn't worked for four months and has no prospects of a job in the field he says he's interested in - then you know this man doesn't have a plan. And if he doesn't have a plan, he's not going to achieve his short - term goal - or it's really not a goal, he's just talking out of his behind. Either way, you may not want to sign up for his plan. Just stick to your own. Sure, there's a chance that he might get it together and make it in the industry, but why do you have to sign up for that? If he's got this whole pie-in-sky dream, figure out if he's lying there looking at the stars, or if he's got a jet pack strapped to his back and he's about to take off to go grab that dream.        

WHAT IS HAPPENING AT HOME IS NOT "HAPPENING" LIKE IT USED TO



.That is  right, I said it: it could have could have something to do with you. Your man may be walking around telling himself that your relationship just doesn't have that spark anymore, that you don't turn him on like you used to .... that you don't come on to him like you did when two of you first fell in love . you know how it goes: the two of you get comfortable with each other, settle in, have some babies, buy a house, and then get bogged down in the bills and raising the kids and going to  work and keeper up with her rat race that comes when you're a family trying make it. 

The next thing he knows, the woman who use to wear and do little things to keep it hot and spicy is not interested in doing that little thing she did when the two of them first got together. in fact, the sex has  become uninspired; she is coming in from work, where she was dressed up in her nice skirt and heels and makeup  and such, and she is breaking down before she can get to door good. And now, After a long day at work ,an even more work when she get home, she is coming to bed in a head scarf and a T-shirt and is this close to hiring a firing squad to take you out for even looking at her with those bedroom eyes.
 
In other words, what is back at the house has become ho-hum routine. And this man is missing the spark that used to be there. you have changed. (He knows he is changed, too, but we not talking about him, we have talking about you.) perhaps that comes, too, with a feeling that you don't appreciate him like you used to. The thank you come less frequently, there is a lot of arguing going on turmoil seems to get  up with you in the morning and cuddle up with the two of you at night. And if he can it get what he signed up for back at house, he is more likely to go out and find it somewhere else, because guess what? He know he can always go find it somewhere else, particularly since...

HOW TO TELL IF YOU'VE MET SOMEONE LOOKING FOR A KEEPER OR A THROWBACK



1, if his conversation with you is extremely superficial, and never seems to graduate beyond the surface, he's sport fishing ; if he genuinely seems interested in your  needs. life, desires, and future, then he's looking for a keeper .

2, if he laugh off your requirement and standards, then he's sport fishing; if he seems willing to abide by your rules, and actually follows through on them, then he's looking for a keeper

3, if he takes your phone number but waits longer than twenty- four hours to call, he's sport fishing; if he calls you right away, he's showing that he's genuinely interested in you, and is most likely looking for a keeper.

4, if he takes you out of a date  and lets you pay, or only kicks in his portion of the bill, he's sport fishing; if he pays the bill, he's willing to provide for you, which means he's likely looking for  a keeper.

5, if he tells you he's going to be somewhere at a certain time, and he consistently show up late without so much  as the courtesy of a phone call, he's probably sport fishing; if he show up when he's supposed to, he's looking for a keeper.

6, if you never meet his friends, family, co- workers, or other people who are important to him, he's sport  fishing; if he introduces you to his people, he might be looking for a keeper.

7, if his keeps offering up excuses for why he can't meet your friends and family, he's sport fishing; if he agrees to go to the family barbecue or a social event where he will be introduced to family, friends, and co- workers. he might consider you a keeper.

8,if he cringes at the mere  mention of children, he's sport fishing; is he's willing to meet your kids and show up with gifts and can relate to them, then he might consider you and your kids keeper.

9, if he does not have himself together financially, emotionally, and spiritually, he may be sport fishing; if he is capable of providing and protecting his potentials family the way a real man should, then he might be searching for a keeper.

10, if he lobbies for an "open" relationship and says he's cool with you seeing other people, then he's sport fishing; if he wants your relationship to be exclusive and he agrees to date only you, he consider you as  a keeper..?